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Creationism? Was our World Created or did it Just Happen? What is the True Story?

September 2018

How Did it All Start?

About 6,000 years ago, according to many religious people, there was nothing; a vast eternal nothing, which stretched to forever in all directions in total stillness and darkness.

Out of nowhere, there suddenly appeared in the middle of all this nothingness, a perfectly functioning, beautifully constructed, self-sustaining, living being, fashioned as an elderly male with an unlimited ability to think, speak English and create anything by magic.

His first action was to grow a big white beard and dress himself in a long white belted shroud complete with leather sandals. Instantly ready for work, he set about creating stuff and writing down everything he did for posterity. He decided to call himself God.

God beginning to create the Universe

What did God do on his First Day?

The Universe took him nearly all day to individually fashion every one of an infinite number of different galaxies, stars, planets, suns, moons and every speck of space dust. Finally, running out of ideas, he created the planet Earth and stepped onto it only to realise he couldn't see a damn thing!

The World before God created the landscape and animals

The Second Day

Stumbling about on hard ground for the first time, bumping into lumps, falling into holes and wet stuff, he realised his first mistake; there was no light!

So, he conjured up some light, but it would only stay on for a few hours and then go off for a few hours. He didn't know why, but anyway that was the end of the second day.

The Third and Fourth Days.

On his third day of existence, God decided he would not personally stay on this lumpy, disgustingly wet, barren, boring space rock, but would build a soft comfortable home for himself mysteriously hidden away somewhere up above the clouds and went to live there. From his new home, which he decided to call Heaven, he looked down and thought Earth might look nicer with a bit of grass and a few trees and flowers. He went wild thinking up and churning out so many different species of flora that he was knackered by the time the light went out signalling the end of the third day.

Next morning, hung over from so much tree creating, God spent the day making the Sun, Moon and Stars. That evening, writing in his diary, which he called his Bible, God realised he had already done all that the first day! Bugger! So he went to sleep feeling a bit less pleased with himself.

The Fifth Day

The fifth day was spent messing about with a vast range of sea monsters, but they ate each other as fast as he could make them. So, he made smaller sea monsters for the bigger sea monsters to eat, but they also ate each other. Getting a bit pissed off, he had to make thousands of smaller and smaller species to create a sustainable food chain. He went to sleep exhausted!

The Sixth Day

On day six, God came up with his best idea yet and started making land animals in crazy shapes, sizes, colours and patterns. Some could even fly. He gave most of them the desire only to eat grass, and leaves and fruit off his trees.

The Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve watching the animals

Realizing he'd gone bloody mad with all this chaos and created an uncontrollable mess, God decided to create one last super animal, out of dust and spit, to try and keep everything in order.
The best he could come up with was humans, Man for short, a bit like himself but obviously not as clever, and told him to "Just get on with it!"
As a concession, he also created Woman, a far lesser being, to be a slave to Man, do all the hard stuff and provide sexual comforts as a prelude to reproduction.

What Happened since that First Week

That was the beginning of time and since then Man has seriously and continually fucked up big time, and God, despite coming back to Earth only once about 2,000 years ago disguised as his own son, Jesus, has never managed to control the chaos or solve any of Earth's problems, great or small!

Chaos, disease, death, war, famine and pestilence on Earth
Sosumi - September 2018


Genesis, chapter one, in the beginning God created the World

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